My Recent Networking Lesson Learned

I was at a Healthcare Businesswomen's Association Dine-Around last week at the Salt Creek Grille in Princeton – fabulous venue, by the way. Dine-Arounds are geared specifically for networking: limited number of attendees and an intimate setting make it easy to meet and talk to new people and spend time with others you know.

As I’ve been so gung-ho about touting my Chit-Chat flag, I was really looking forward to this event and putting my money where my mouth is.

Things started out fine. Dine-Arounds are one of our newer formats for events; this was the first time the Philadelphia Chapter had an event in Princeton. Starting a conversation came naturally:

“Do you live nearby?” “Is this your first Dine-Around?” “Have you been to this restaurant before?” Oh, and yummy hors d’oeuvres always start a conversation. “Did you try the shrimp wrapped in bacon?”

Then, disaster hit. Here’s the play by play of my lesson learned of the night:

There was a group of four lovely ladies standing in an open-faced group, clearly welcome to the idea of someone joining them. They looked friendly, and indeed, when I welcomed them all as Chapter President to the event, they gave me big smiles and said it was nice to be there. I started with a safe enough question: “Has everyone been a member of the HBA for long?” They all answered very pleasantly. And a conversation stemmed from that. Fabulous, right?

Wrong.

I stuck to my agenda of using some of my suggested networking questions – which at this point seemed more important for me to ask then to actually continue any conversation. I was not an active listener. I had complete networking tunnel vision.

“So,” I started, “I’m testing out a networking question and want to know if anyone has any go-to summer recipes to share?” SCREEEECH. As the last word left my mouth, before I received the appropriately confused/blank looks, I knew I had made a huge mistake. Huge. It’s still painful to think about. I didn’t follow any of my advice. At all.

I didn’t make it about them – “I’m testing out a networking question” – eeewwww.

I didn't let the conversation flow naturally.

I asked a question that should come only after it's been established that the other person is interested in cooking.

At a good pause in the conversation, a much better question would have been: “Do you have a favorite summertime restaurant?” I think it’s fair to say if you’re at a restaurant, chances are people you meet like other restaurants, but not everyone actually likes to cook.

I was saved by one of the women who, after I acknowledged my flub and apologized to the group, recommended a delicious way to grill salmon.

What's my take-away from the night?

I need to always, always, always remember that the art of chit-chat is about them not me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go write that 100 times.

Do you have any favorite ways to engage a group in chit-chat? Please share. I definitely need some!